I was out almost all day yesterday, finishing up different errands that needed my attention. I had over 50 messages when I got back from my trip recently, and it was nice to listen to different people and then getting back to them.

During the span of about 12 hours yesterday, however, I received 19 voice messages from a single person. This person, someone I know a little bit, wanted to hang out. There was no urgency, and there was no plan of any sorts mentioned in each message. The messages lasted about 3 or 4 minutes each, with no useful information. The answering machine overloaded and there was no more room for any other caller to leave any messages.

Here is a list of basic etiquettes that I think we all must follow when trying to call someone and leaving them a message:

1. Leave a message only when necessary. If it’s your habit to call people for reconfirmation of appointments, it’s good to call. Otherwise, being bored is not a good reason for making someone go through a message and waste their time and phone minutes.
2. Leave short messages. Leaving a three minute message to tell someone that you called them is not normal; it’s beyond abnormal. “Hey Bes, yeah, it’s me, just calling to say hi. You may be in the shower, or outside, or hmmmm, maybe you’re with other friends or working or something; I don’t know [they have a frustrated voice by now, with slow and long breathing]. Just calling to see if you wanted to do something. Tried calling you earlier but you didn’t answer, maybe you’re out. Call me when you get back. Ok bye.” How does that message sound to you? It sounds retarded to me when it’s repeated 19 times in a single day and the person managed to frustrate himself in the process. Unless you know someone well, even as a good friend, you can’t leave similar messages unless you want a restraining order issued against your phone usage.
3. Know whether the person has a cell phone or a land-line phone. If a person does not have a cell phone, they cannot get back to you unless they come back home. Don’t be frustrated simply because you don’t get a call back within even 12 hours unless it’s an emergency of some sort that involves the other person. Do not keep asking someone why they don’t answer their cell phone, or that you’re not sure if it was a house phone or a cell phone that you called. Just remember when they tell you that they have a cell phone or a home phone. Many people have used a cell phone longer than you’ve been on this planet, and they don’t like it. Don’t expect others to have a cell phone simply because your parents got you one.
4. Always introduce yourself when leaving a message. When you call someone, “It’s me” only works when the receiver knows you well. If you meet someone for the first time, even the first few weeks after that, you have to let the person know your name until you’re absolutely sure they can recognize your voice and style of talking. “Hey it’s me, hmm, call me back, bye” won’t do any good if you’re not close to them, since the receiver may have far greater friends than you might have, and thus may not be able to remember your voice so easily.
5. Do not call people when you know they’re busy. You may like it or not, but unless it’s an emergency, calling someone while you know they’re with someone else in an appointment or doing something important is very annoying. Telemarketers call you on the cell phones now when you’re eating food, since they know they can catch you at that time. However, no one likes them because of that very reason. This is the modern world, and text messages are less intrusive. If you know the person has given you permission to send you text messages, go ahead and use it. A ringing phone will create more noise than the small beeps that a text message notification creates, so use that to your own advantage when you know someone is busy. If you are a telemarketer, ignore this and other rules; you aren’t allowed to call anyone in the first place.
6. Text messages are also messages, so don’t abuse them.Not everyone has unlimited text messaging plan yet, and not everyone gets their bills paid through their parents or gold-plated significant others. Usually, as of this writing, each text message costs an average of 10 cents per each message, limited to about 200 characters in each message [when taking Sprint PCS, T-Mobile, AT&T - Cingular and Verizon Wireless into account]. Therefore, even though it may be easier to text message someone rather than calling them, make sure it’s an urgent or important situation that cannot wait, and something that doesn’t deserve the risk of interrupting someone with a phone ring while they’re busy. Again, use it to your advantage when the other person is not at an advantage [like financial] because of it.
7. Be polite. Always be on the safe side when it comes to manners. “Yo wassup” may sound good to a friend, but it won’t sound good to a new person. Also, your tone of voice should reflect your mood; don’t utter frustration by taking deep breaths or talking as if you’re being forced to talk at gunpoint. Be calm, and be happy. Your message is going to be your image in the mind of the person who hears it.
8. Don’t ignore the answering machine. This may sound weird, but it is a very important thing to consider. Answering machine is there for a purpose; “I called you last week but you didn’t answer, so I thought you were busy and thus we haven’t been able to keep in touch” is not convenient for both you and the other party since you could have left a voice mail letting the person know you called. When you know the person has a cell phone or caller id, they can look into your missed call list and thus get back to you; in that case it’s not necessary to leave a message. Otherwise, leave a message to let the other person know you contacted. 2 messages per week may be ok; 19 per day aren’t.
9. Don’t lie. This is the most important point in my view. Do not lie that you never saw any missed calls. Do not lie that you never got a voice message. And most important of all, never say that you called but the answering machine on the other end was acting weird and thus you couldn’t leave message for 2 weeks, when the other person has been getting messages from other people without any problems.

If you follow these principles, you will not only reduce the headache and waste of time experienced when communicating with people, you will also be more efficient at contacting people and actually have better communication.

Someone called while I was writing this, and they left a very nice message. Time to call them back. Let me know if you think the above points are enough, or even necessary. Thank you for reading this.